Stuck In The Middle

I have always considered eating to be a hobby of mine- because after all, who doesn't like food. I never gave any thought to how much I should or shouldn't eat, that is until I began to grow older. 

***This post is not a rant on weight issues or how messed up society is (it is pretty messed up right now if I do say so myself) but it is more a personal take on the aforementioned subject.*** 

Yes, when you are younger you can eat Twinkies and Snickers bars for dinner (your mom won't approve but hey, live dangerously) and nothing really awful will happen except that you might get a stomach ache that will make you regret everything you just consumed. But as you grow older, a bunch of stuff happens and your metabolism slows down yadda yadda yadda, so you can't eat like you once did as a young buck. Now that you are older and wiser, you have to think before waking up and having a fudge brownie for breakfast. The game has changed. 

I think that it is a gift that we all are blessed with bodies that are different shapes and sizes. As long as you are heart healthy and you are taking care of your body, then I believe that it's perfectly normal to buy a bag of cheese doodles (my personal favorite) and indulge once in a while. But, growing up in the society that we live in now and, especially in the profession that I am in, being perfectly ok all the time with how you look is not the easiest task. 

I have been modeling and acting for a while now- it is what I went to school for and what feeds my soul- it is my passion and my love. Sometimes though, it smacks ya right in the face (love hurts). I moved to New York and, after auditioning quite a bit, I signed with an agent and a manager for voice over work and commercial on-camera work. Hoping to keep feeding my passion, I went to several modeling agencies on open calls and I kept getting the same two answers: I am too big to be a "normal" model and I am too small to be a plus size model. 

I walked away from each meeting or casting discouraged and perplexed. What does that even mean? And who are these people telling me the size I should be? I work out weekly but also one of my favorite restaurants in all of New York is Crif Dog. I am a healthy person who is happy with her lifestyle and I would not change a thing to become a size 0 (I would definitely have to give up hot dogs). I am thankful that I have a strong mental support system and also many friends and family members who have my back. But what about the people who do not have that support? I felt bad that so many girl's, and guy's minds were being poisoned to think they are not the "right" size. 

So, I took a break from trying to be the "right" size for an agency to feel comfortable scooping me up and calling me their own. I am me. I run and do yoga, pure barre and pilates but I also celebrate birthdays with champagne and cake and eat pudding with my friends while watching romantic and sappy movies. I am not the wrong size, I am the right size. I am somewhere in the middle, and for me, that is a fine fine place to be. Now, please pass me the cheese doodles.